Justin Halpern was a comedian who moved home to live with this father and began to chronicle interesting, comical quotations from his father in a Twitter feed called – since this is a family column I shall refer to it as – “‘Stuff’ my Dad Says.”

The feed grew to more than 3.1 million followers in 2009 and, later in 2010, a book based on these comments reached No. 8 on the New York Times Bestseller list. That was followed by a television series starring none other than William Shatner.

From time to time, I hear insanely inane remarks from real estate brokers. One that has come into vogue recently drives me bonkers and that emotion is shared by a bestseller in his own right, Richard Bryan of Fridrich and Clark Realty, who joined me for a venting session last week, as we have from time to time. It is therapeutic.

For the record, Bryan sells more houses in the Greater Nashville area every year and has a closet full of trophies to prove it. Some stuff that real estate agents say can be infuriating and often can hijack and vaporize a real estate transaction.

This one really gets him.

To set the scene, a new listing comes on the market, and a buyer’s agent takes the potential buyer two or three times – perhaps with a parent or an architect or a builder – before preparing an offer.

Of course, the seller has cleaned the house on three separate occasions for this person, knows there have been three showings and is curious as to the interest level of the buyer and in any comments made by their entourage.

Despite all this, the buyer’s agent says his clients don’t think this is the house for them. Bryan has absolutely no problem with that, as he knows that everyone is entitled to their own decisions and, if the house does not work, so be it. This happens all the time, but here is the kicker.

Nowadays, the agents always close the conversation with: “But if you get anything, let me know,” meaning if there is another offer, the agent is supposed to call the people who have been there three times and have gathered volumes of information on the house and decided to pass. Why? Is it so that they may make an offer for a home they do not want to buy?

Or is it like high schoolers who will not break up with their steadies for fear that others will want to date their unloved ones.

To make matters worse, if the house has not sold in the time it takes to have three visits and bring architects, contractors, pool people, zoning people and in-laws, the seller is getting antsy, and they are often perturbed for having been disturbed three times having had their lives disrupted and having nothing to show for it.

Then they often begin their own vents.

At that time, in desperation, the real estate agent for the seller may share the “but their agent said if we get another offer to let them know” idiocy in order to calm the sellers.

In short order, an offer arrives from a reasonable agent whose client actually wants to buy the property and has taken the time to prepare the 34 pages that now constitute a real estate offer with all of the disclosures, disclaimer, confirmations, representations, and the contract.

They have even written a substantial check for “trust money,” formerly known as earnest money. They wrote a big check. They want the house.

The owner should be elated, but no.

“Don’t you think you should call the other agent before we do anything?” they ask. “Maybe they want it.”

Of course they don’t want it. If they wanted it they would have made an offer. But, we have to make the call, text, email, and maybe even a Facebook message.

The other agent doesn’t respond. Why? This is not a priority because his people don’t want the house, that’s why.

But sellers won’t move until the people who don’t want the house confirm they don’t want it. Meanwhile, the buyers who do want the house are held hostage.

Bryan and I have seen perfectly good buyers withdraw offers while we try to locate a person who said to call them if we “got anything else.”

When we do find them and tell them we have an offer, their usual response is “Oh, those buyers bought something else a few days ago.” All stuff that real estate agents say.

Sale of the Week

The sale at 104 Bowling Avenue had no time for chasing silly agents making ridiculous requests. It sold for $612,000 after having been listed for $575,000 and receiving multiple offers, several more than $10,000 over list price.

Blake Campbell of PARKS won the battle of Bowling for his client, and several probably told listing agent Jeff Maddox that if he got anything he should let them know.

This house has 1,950 square feet, but 474 are in an apartment over the garage. The Air BnB crowd saw this as a prize.

Richard Courtney is a real estate broker with Christianson, Patterson, Courtney and Associates and can be reached at [email protected].