The Characters: Willy Poman, Whiff, Ralphy. The scene opens with Willy, a former top-ranked fax salesman, coming home from his job as Borders Bookstore manager. His children, Whiff and Ralphy, are playing tag on the porch.

Whiff: Hey Dad. Move some words today?

Ralphy: Good evening Father, any Harry Potter freaks stop by?

Willy: I’m afraid books have gone the way of the fax machine. We’re closed!!

Whiff: Ouch! You better get some good unemployment going fast!

Ralphy: Perhaps some food stamps. I hear they work for escargot.

Willy: No. I have a new career that will allow me to earn millions. I am going to become a shortsalesman.

Whiff: You’re 6-foot-5!

Ralphy: No Whiff, he is referring to the sale of real estate in which the lender forgives a certain amount of the debt so that the owner can sell the property for a price less than what he owes. It’s all the rage among buyers now. More popular than foreclosures!

Willy: Right you are, my dear Ralphy. With my success in fax sales and book marketing as my background, I will soon lead the nation in short sales.

Whiff: But, Dad, you really sucked at all of that other stuff.

Willy: Trust me son. I will soar with the eagles soon enough. As a matter of fact, I have our first client already.

Ralphy: Wonderful news. Who is it?

Willy: Why it’s us.

Whiff: No way, short sales are for losers.

Willy: Then get a job.

Whiff: Short sales! Digging it. How’s it work?

Willy: I’ll put a sign in the yard, and put it on Craigslist. Then I’ll negotiate the contract and the bank will pay me a commission.

The signs and ads are placed. The phone rings.

Buyer No. 1: I have an offer for you on your house.

Willy: Great. Fax it to me.

Buyer No. 1: I don’t have a fax. I’ll email it.

Willy: I don’t do e-mail yet, nor have I a printer. Can you drop it by?

Phone rings.

Buyer No. 2: I have an offer for you.

Willy: My e-mail server is down (chuckles). Will you drop it by?

Thirty-two offers are delivered to Willy. He is asking $350,000 for his house. Most of the offers are for $150,000. He calls the lender.

Lender: Would you fax them to me?

Willy: You mean e-mail?

Lender: No fax. That’s how efficient we are. And send them all.

Willy: When will I hear something?

Lender: Oh, I’d say in the next six to eight weeks.

Each day, all the agents representing the 32 offers call Willy, and 47 more offers come in. The bank won’t return his call. An agent appears doing a BPO and announces his home is being foreclosed.

Willy: But it can’t, I’m doing a short sale. I have 79 offers pending. I can sell faxes better than anyone. Books, too. You can’t foreclose. I have children.

Agent: But your children are in their 30s.

Willy: Please wait. This is my career. The phone rings and the Code-a-phone answers. Seventy-nine times he hears:“This is the agent that brought the offer. Have you heard anything from the bank?”

He wanders into the garage. There is a gunshot.

Richard Courtney is a broker with Pilkerton realtors and the author of Come Together: The Business Wisdom of the Beatles and can be reached at [email protected]